100 Word Wednesdays – Outrage!
Here’s another 100 word story based on an item from the police blotter in my hometown of Burlingame, CA.
Outrage
by Grant Baciocco
“You have overcharged me, sir. Your sign states four dollars and thirty one cents!”
“No, I’m sorry, it says four dollars and thirty seven cents.”
Preston adjusted his monocle and looked again at the sign. He huffed. “My good man, that is clearly a one.”
The shopkeeper turned and regarded the sign. He removed his glove and pointed to the final digit in the price. “That…is a seven.”
“It’s a one! A one with a flourish.”
“Yes. That flourish makes it a seven.”
Preston made for the door and turned before exiting, “I shall have restitution in this matter!”
—
From the December 19, 2012 Police Blotter for Burlingame in the San Jose Mercury News
1400 block of Broadway, noon Monday A man reported being overcharged for a cigar.
2012 Year In Review
Goal Setting times 100,000,000 is what’s on tap for me as I start 2013.
As I mentioned before after reading the Art Of Non-Conformity and Amazing Things Will Happen I’ve decided to try some ‘radical goal setting’ for 2013. This is apart of that whole thing, an annual review. A look back at 2012. Below are some of the Highlights/Lowlights from what I’ve written in my journal about the year gone by.
2012 was a very, very rough year, so let’s start with the bright spots…
2012 – THE GOOD
– MY PROFESSIONAL CAREER 2012 –
- I performed in a string of Stuffed & Unstrung shows on the east coast as both puppeteer and host. This run of shows was highlighted by two very incredible events. The first being that Joel Hodgson came to see one of our shows. If you’re a reader of this blog you know that I’m a huge fan of Joel’s and to have him come to a show I was in was a treat. The other amazing thing was that Brian Henson told me after one show that his dad really would have liked one little bit I had done in the show that night. He said, “…my dad loved clean, simple, gags and that [bit] was just clean, simple and perfect.” Truly amazing.
- I puppeteered in a YouTube video for Nerdist and The Jim Henson Company annoucning the launch of the Nerdist YouTube Channel. The video featured special guest star! “Weird Al” Yankovic.
- Made a trip to New York City to help Leslie Carrara-Rudolph mount her show Wake Up Your Weird!.
- I was asked by The Jim Henson Company to host a special Q&A session with Jane Henson. It was a great evening and Jane was absolutely magic. The evening was recorded, but Henson seems to be dragging their feet on releasing it. Hopefully it’ll get out there someday.
- I shot a puppet ‘sizzle reel’ for Vin di Bona Productions (America’s Funniest Home Videos) called Whoops!. It was a lot of fun and I played one of the lead characters. Unfortunately, this one seems to be stuck in development hell so who knows what’s going to happen. I haven’t even seen the footage we shot.
- In August, I Touted for the first time with a puppet character named Uncle Interloper (pictured). By December 31, 2012, Uncle Interloper had over 4500 followers on Tout.com and he’s starred in three episodic Tout Series.
- I was asked to create an original audio drama piece to support the release of the book Empire State by Adam Christopher. The piece is called The Adventures of Johnny Ironclad. Special thanks to Mur Lafferty for making that possible.
- Produced & Released Throwing Toasters Favorites on CD and Digital Download.
- Produced & Released The Radio Adventures of Dr. Floyd – The Complete Season 7 on CD and Digital Download.
- I tought a few How To Podcast classes at Flappers Comedy Club in Burbank as part of their Flappers University.
- Continued to work as Associate Producer on Cinematic Titanic.
- Continued to work as an interviewer for Championship Wrestling from Hollywood and moved into a ringside interviewer position.
- Relaunched my old internet radio show Fill In The Blank on DementiaRadio.org.
- Recorded and edited the first couple episodes from a new audio drama project I’m working on. Keep an eye on SaturdayMorningMedia.com for info.
- Celebrated the 10th anniversary of opening Grant’s Advent Calendar online.
- Continued performing as Throwing Toasters, The Unusual Artistry of Walter Hanley & His Mother Radio Ventriloquists and with Improvatorium.
– TRAVEL 2012 –
- Great time traveling to the east coast with Stuffed & Unstrung, visiting Delaware, New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania, Washington D.C. & North Carolina.
- Spent a week at the O’Neil Theatre Center in Connecticut and then 10 days in New York helping rehearse for Leslie Carrara-Rudolph’s show. The O’Neil is an amazing place and I love the energy it has. As for New York, It was the longest time I’d ever spent in the Big Apple and it was truly a wonderful time. I enjoyed putting on the show, seeing the sights, going on walks and just chilling out on the couch in my room…er…I mean apartment that I subleased for my time there.
- Got to make it back to Klamath Falls, OR with my parent to visit with my mom’s side of the family.
- Made several trips to the San Francisco Bay Area to visit my parents.
– ENRICHMENT –
- Saw Cinematic Titanic Live
- Went to an amazing Spike Jones retrospective that was moderated by Dr. Demento.
- Saw How The West Was Won in full CINERAMA. It was amazing. I was crying after the first few minute of the Overture. It was just TOO MUCH GOOD STUFF.
- Got to see Joel Hodgson speak twice at Cinefamily. Both events were immensely inspirational and fired up the creative juices.
There’s a lot of really good things in the above list but the first thing on the list below really took all the wind out of my sails for most of the year.
2012 – THE BAD
– HEALTH –
- I have to start with the Health section because on June 18, 2012 I fell and fractured the humerus in my right arm (pictured). An injury that took me out of doing…anything. Puppets, guitar playing, even driving. On the good side, I didn’t need surgery and I was able to get my full range of motion back but it wiped me out.
- Coupled with the break I sort of delved deeper into (self-diagnosed) depression than I’ve ever been and this means I start eating! When you’re eating a lot and can’t exercise due to an injury, the pounds just magically appear out of nowhere.
- Even now, completely healed, I just can’t seem to avoid pigging out on the worst food imaginable. This has to change. It has to.
– MY PROFESSIONAL CAREER 2012 –
- The broken arm didn’t help things but 2012 had me feeling the worst about my professional career than ever. Every category: comedy, puppetry, writing just seemed to stink. Because of the broken arm, all my jobs dried up in the summer (usually when I get the most work) which left me scraping by at the end of 2012. Concerted job finding effort is underway, but it’s been very slow going.
- This year several times I had people ask me for ideas or I pitched ideas to people and they’d run with them and effectively cut me out of the loop so they got the glory and I got…nothing. Unfortunately, this has made me a little more reserved in giving my ideas to people.
As I look back I think that it’s sort of silly to have one event (broken arm) outweigh all that good, but that break hit me pretty hard. When you’re unable to do…anything.. it really packs a whallop. There is a lot of good and by the end of the year things were marginally looking up. I just didn’t end 2012 thinking, “Man that was a the best year ever!”
The good news is that 2013 can only be better by default.
Okay, that’s it for now. Stay tuned as soon we’ll have a look at my goals for 2013.
****
Thanks for reading this far.
****
Bananas & Narwhals
I’ve become addicted to bananas.
In my quest to get back in my ideal shape, I’ve just gone bananas for bananas. I will eat a five or six a day, usually one right after the other. I like them because they are easy to carry around with you, they peel easy and there’s no tools necessary in eating them. They are great to have in my office to eat throughout the day as I work. I like oranges, but they just seem to take too much time and effort to peel. Apples are good, but I have teeth issues (a whole other blog post) and so just gnawing away on an apple is out. I do have a pocket knife at the office and have used it to slice up apples and eat them, but it’s an office. Without a kitchen. So cutting and cleaning is a pain. That’s why I likes me some bananas. This has resulted in almost daily trips to the grocery store to pick up bananas.
One store I frequent to buy for my banana habit is Albertsons. I usually don’t shop regularly at Albertons because I find their prices are bit higher than other places, but they have decent prices on bananas and I’m lazy and they are right next to one of the Subways I frequent. The whole store just seems a little fancy to me. It’s not, if you saw it you’d say, “No, this is just a regular grocery store.” but to me it just gives off the vibe of being fancy.
Perhaps part of the ‘fancy’ factor is that they have televisions at every check stand, so you can watch the tube as you wait in line. And you will always wait in line at this Albertsons because in all the times I’ve been in there they only have two out of the ten or so check stands open. One is always the 12 items or less. The other is a normal one and that one always has 5 or more people in line with big carts full of stuff. So the 12 items or less always has 15 people in it, usually with one item. And the checkers are S L O W in both lines, so a ‘quick trip to Albertsons will become an 30 minute affair. Luckily, they have TVs in line.
One day I’m waiting in the 12 items or less line with my bunch of bananas for the day and I’m watching the TV ans it’s a string of short videos directed towards kids. I find this particularly amusing and there’s not a kid in sight. In fact, with the clientele in the store that morning, I was the closest thing to a kid there. And I’m thirty eight! Anyway, I’m standing there when the TV starts doing a feature about Narwhals. A pleasent lady doing a plesent voiceover was giving all sorts of facts about narwhals. Where they live, what they eat, how big they get, etc.. It was all very fascinating to me when, all ov a sudden she says (and I paraphrase here), “Narwhals have one long horn that comes out of their head just like a unicorn does.”
Wait what?
Did she just use a mythical creature to give kids a frame of reference for a REAL creature?! Or am I out of the loop and unicorns are actually real? Couldn’t they have compared the narwhal to..oh I don’t know, a rhinoceros? Wouldn’t that me more educational?
I know, I know, I’m getting worked up about something silly. I just thought it was ridiculous to try and be ‘educational’ and make that comparison. I paid for my bananas, eventually, and went on my merry way. Keeping one sharp eye open for unicorns.
TALK BACK
What fruits do you recommend to snack on during the day? Low mess, easy to eat. Let me know.
100 Word Wednesdays #001
I’ve always loved the fun of writing 100 word stories. I have a few posted in the archives here but since in 2013 I want to focus on trying to accomplish more writing, I figured I’d pose a little challenge for myself.
One 100 word story every Wednesday. Posted here, for you to read.
The first is below.
Some backstory…
I have a Google News alert set up for my hometown of Burlingame, CA. Not much happens there that shoots any major news my way, but every so often I get the fantastic ‘police blotter’ sent my way. As with most police blotter columns from smaller towns, the ‘crimes’ are usually very hilarious and I thought to myself, “Wouldn’t it be funny to write a bit of the backstory behind some of these major offenses?” And thus was born the idea of ‘Police Blotter Stories’ which today’s 100 word story is an example of.
Not all 100 word Wednesdays will be Police Blotter related but some will. When they are, I’ll try topost a link to the police blotter item so you can read it for yourself.
And now, the first 100 word Wednesday….
—
She Wanted In
By Grant Baciocco
She had just wanted in, that’s all. Perhaps a little dinner as well. Was that all too much to ask? No, she didn’t think so. But after five whole minutes of asking politely at the back door and five more minutes of politely knocking at the side window, she was done with being polite. She was done with seeing him sitting in there ignoring her.
As she sat staring down at the hood of his car, she smiled. He would stop watching television. He would open the door. He would feed her. With the grace of a gymnast, she leapt.
—
Now, of course, I couldn’t find the exact link to this story but it was something like:
On June 23, a car alarm was going off on the 800 Block of Carmelita. It was believed to have been set off by a cat.
Yes, that’s the kind of ‘crime’ that happens in Burlingame.
See you next Wednesday.